Dynasty Idiots 1: Silly Dynasty Warrior Shorts
by Sonata-Time-Nocturne-Flare-Aoi
Summary: Complete! Dong Zhuo getting own by a brick? Da Qiao a part-time superhero? Sima Yi getting humiliated in a debate? These are just a few of the silly short stories you'll find within. Rated T for language, violence, and extremely stupid humor.
1. Chapter 1

**Story**: Dynasty Idiots: Silly Dynasty Warrior Shorts  
**Author**: Master Jin Sonata  
**Written**: January 2008  
**Genre**: Humor  
**Rating**: T (Language and Violence)  
**Disclaimer**: I do not own Koei or its kooky cast of Chinese Warriors.

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**Story 1: Dong Zhuo In: Another Brick In The Wall**

It was a warm summer evening in Dong Zhuo's territory. Dong Zhuo, who was out shopping, was on his way back toward his castle, when he encounters a rather annoying obstacle.

**TRIP…CRASH!!!**

Dong Zhuo, who was now flat on his fat face, his groceries sprawled all around him. He slowly got up and turns around to see who tripped him.

"**Alright! Who's the wise-guy who made me fall?"** he demanded, looking about the area before finally looking down at the dirt.

It was a lone brick.

"**What?!?! How dare this clump of building material bring me down!!! You shall pay for this, evil brick!!!!"** Dong Zhuo warns, getting up and kicking the brick with his foot.

**CRACK!!!**

"**OOOW!!!!" **the tyrant yells now that he broke his foot trying to kick away the red clump of building material. **"Why you little…I'll show you whose boss!!!"**

Dong Zhuo then leaves the area, only to return driving a giant wrecking ball machine.

"**Prepare to feel my wrath, you stupid brick! Muahahahahaha!!!!"** Dong Zhuo laughs evilly as proceeds to pull the lever, causing the giant ball and chain to begin swinging around wildly.

Unfortunately for Dong Zhuo though, he ultimately misses smashing the brick on the ground, and instead witnesses the giant wrecking ball to swing back around toward him.

**CRASH!!!**

The wrecking ball collides into Dong Zhuo, sending the entire machine flying into the distance with the tyrant screaming like a girl all the way.

Seconds later, Xu Zhu, wearing a construction outfit, walks into the scene where the brick laid and picks it up.

"**Now that break is over, time for me to finish building this wall!"** Xu Zhu says as he walks toward a nearby building and fits the brick into an open whole and sealing it afterwards.

"**All done!"** he says, before leaving to go home.

**Story 2: Xiao Qiao In: The Adventures of Sailor Wu**

In the Wu Kingdom there lives a young girl named Xiao Qiao. An average girl if you will, who gets below than average grades in school.

"**Here's your test back, Miss Qiao," **said Xiao Qiao's homeroom teacher.

"**What?!?! 32?!?! Dammit! This is the millionth test I've failed this month!!!" **Xiao Qiao said, softly banging her head on her desk in frustration.

However, despite her not so impressive academic record, Xiao Qiao finds plenty of excitement during the night hours.

Xiao Qiao was merrily skipping down the street on her way home, when she notices something suspicious happing down a dark alley. She goes to investigate. Upon arriving at the dark alley, she sees a couple of thugs harassing a young girl.

"**Gimmie your purse, little girl!"** said one of the thugs.

"**Yeah, hand it over before you get hurt! Hahahaha!!!" **said the other thug.

"**Somebody help!!!"** the little girl weeps as the thugs begin to take off with her purse.

"**Looks like this is a job for Sailor Wu!"** Xiao Qiao proclaims as she runs to the nearest phone booth to change her clothes, but was kicked out of it upon entering.

"**Get your own damn booth, kiddo,"** said Superman as he slams the phone booth shut.

"**Meanie!!!"** Xiao Qiao says as she tries to find another place to change into her magic Sailor outfit.

_**Twenty Minutes Later**_

Xiao Qiao emerges from an abandoned car dressed in her red and white magic sailor outfit and hurries back to the alley.

"**Beware evil-doers! Sailor Wu is here! In the name of the Wu, I shall punish y---hey!!! Where did those thugs go?"** she asks, looking around to see that everyone was gone.

"**Oh for the love of…!!!! I need to find a much faster method to change into my outfit!!! I'm going home!!!"** she said in a huff, turning to leave the area.

This isn't the only installment to this short! More Sailor Wu stories will proceed later! Stay tuned!

**Story 3: Dian Wei In: Coffee Crisis**

Dian Wei was sitting on Cao Cao's throne while his leader was at a convention. During that time all problems and concerns were to be taken up with Dian Wei.

"**Ah, this is such an easy job. All I have to do is sit around and act all leader-ish and stuff,"** he said as he sipped on a cup of coffee.

He continued to sip on his coffee as one of the castle guards came running to him.

"**Dian Wei, Dian Wei!!! The Shu Kingdom is threatening to invade us!!!"** said the panicky castle guard.

"**I'll deal with it later. Go away,"** Dian Wei said, caring more about his coffee then the report of the castle guard.

After the guard had left, the castle chef stormed in and confronted the acting leader of Wei.

"**Dian Wei, Dian Wei!!! We do not have enough food to feed everyone tonight!!!"** the nervous chef pleaded to him.

"**Not my problem. Now scram!!!"** Dain Wei said to him.

The castle chef left, and as usual, Dain Wei was savoring his coffee like there was no tomorrow.

"**Ah…its great to act as the king…"** he said with much delight.

Dian Wei then sets his coffee down on the ground next to the throne as another castle official approached him.

"**Dian Wei, Dian Wei!!! Come quick! The castles on fire…" **the castle official as he approached Dian Wei…

**Tip…SPLOOSH!!!**

…kicking over Dian Wei's cup of coffee in the process.

"…**You spilled my coffee…"** Dian Wei said, shocked at what he was seeing.

"**Forget the coffee sir, the castle is going to burn down if…"** the castle official tried to explain, but was cut off.

"**I paid six-freakin' dollars for this cup of coffee at Starbucks this morning, and you come trotting along and spill it!!!" **Dain Wei said, starting to sound really pissed.

"**But sir!!! This is more pressing then…"** the castle official continued, now sounding very nervous.

Dian Wei took out his battle-axe and began drawing near the official.

"**Look dweeb, you better buy me another cup of coffee before I swing this axe where the sun don't shine!!!"** Dain Wei threatens him.

"**Waaah!!! I'm sorry!!!!!!!!!"** the official yells as he turns and begins fleeing the area.

"**Get back here!!!"** Dian Wei yells as he proceeds to pursue the fleeing official, waving his axe around wildly as he gave chase.

**More stories to come! Please review!!!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Story 4: Xu Zhu In: Fat Burger**

In the midst of the bustling Kingdom of Wei stood a small burger stand, operated by Xu Zhu. The first customer of the day, Guan Yu, approached Xu Zhu at the front counter.

"**Welcome to Fat Burger! How may I take your order?"** Xu Zhu asked.

"**Yes, I'll take your Fat Burger combo meal,"** Guan Yu said.

"**Coming right up!"** Xu Zhu said, turning around and heading into the kitchen.

Minutes later, Xu Zhu returns to the front counter, munching on Guan Yu's burger.

"**H-Hey! What are you doing? Is that my burger you're eating?"** Guan Yu asked, raising an eyebrow.

"**Um…yep…tastes delicious! You should try one!" **Xu Zhu responded in between bites.

"**Now you look here, tubby, I want you to go back there and make me another burger this instant,"** Guan Yu warned him.

Xu Zhu swallowed his burger and burped. **"Okay! One more burger coming up!"** Xu Zhu said, saluting before heading back into the kitchen.

Several minutes passed and Xu Zhu didn't return to the front counter.

"**What's going on back there?"** Guan Yu said, hopping over the counter to investigate.

Once in the back kitchen, Guan Yu saw Xu Zhu sitting on the floor, once again eating what was supposed to be Guan Yu's meal.

"**What do you think you are doing? Give me my burger, now!"** Guan Yu says, now angry at the faulty service he's been getting as he prepares to jump Xu Zhu.

"**Uh oh!"** Xu Zhu yelps as he rolls out of the way and began running outside and around the burger stand while Guan Yu gave chase, swinging his Blue Dragon spear all the while.

An hour later after Guan Yu had gave up chasing the abnormally agile Xu Zhu, Xu Zhu walks back inside his burger stand heaving and sweating like a track star in heat and sees another customer waiting at the main counter.

It was Sima Yi.

"**Welcome to Fat Burger! How may I take your order?"** Xu Zhu asked, still trying to catch his breath.

"**Well it took you long enough, I'm a busy man, you know? Anyways, if this dump serves garden salads, I'll take that,"** Sima Yi said in his usual snarky tone.

"**Uh…we don't serve salads here because salads are for wimps!"** Xu Zhu said.

"**Salads are for wimps? Are you calling me a wimp you fat oaf?"** Sima Yi says, now getting disgruntled.

"**Fat oaf? I can handle being called 'tubby', but 'fat oaf'? Now that's just mean!"** Xu Zhu protested.

"**Never mind…talking to you is like talking to a rock,"** Sima Yi said, turning to leave, muttering 'stupid fat bastard' under his breath.

As soon as Sima Yi was half-way down the street…

**CRACK!!!!**

…Xu Zhu appeared out of nowhere and clotheslined Sima Yi, causing the Wei strategist to fall onto the ground in a complete daze.

"**Hmph! Serves you right, Mr. Wimpy Salad Man,"** Xu Zhu said, returning to his burger stand once more.

This isn't the only installment to this short! More Fat Burger stories will proceed later! Stay tuned!

**Story 5: Meng Huo In: The Nanman King vs George of the Jungle**

Meng Huo was sitting in his castle eating a large roasted beast-leg when his wife Zhu Rong enters the room looking very annoyed.

"**Meng Huo! That pesky neighbor of ours is making a racket again! Do something!"** Zhu Rong tells her husband

"**What?! You mean that crazy George of the Jungle guy? I'll take care of him, honey,"** Meng Huo says. **"Right after I finish my lunch," **he adds at the last minute.

Zhu Rong immediately proceeds to grab her husband and toss him out of the castle so that he could take care of the problem now.

Once outside, Meng Huo sees George of the Jungle high on a tree branch ready to swing around on a vine.

"**Hey George! George of the Jungle! You're beginning to annoy me!"** Meng Huo yells out to him.

"**AAAAAAAH!!!!"** George of the Jungle yells as he swings off of the branch, not hearing Meng Huo.

"**H-Hey! Watch out for that…"** Meng Huo warns him, but it was to late.

**CRASH!!!**

"…**tree…"** he says, after witnessing his neighbor collide stupidly into a large tree.

It wasn't long after George of the Jungle recovered from his accident, that he climbed back up the tree to attempt the jungle swing again.

**"Oh no you don't!"** Meng Huo said, as he immediately ran toward the same towering tree his neighboring was climbing upon and began climbing up himself.

Just as soon as Meng Huo reached the top, George of the Jungle had already leaped away from the tree using a vine to swing around on.

**"Get back here!"** Meng Huo called out, grabbing a hanging vine as well and swung after him.

Both men were swinging through the jungle, with Meng Huo slowly closing in on his neighbor. Just as he Nanman king was about to snag him, George of the Jungle swung off to the side, causing Meng Huo to swing straight toward a towering stone monument.

"**OH NO!!!"** Meng Huo yelled…

**SLAM!!!**

…as he collided into the large stone monument hard enough to causing it to tip over and crash onto his castle, destroying it completely.

"**MEEEEENG!!!!"** his wife Zhu Rong yelled angrily as she crawled out of the rubble that was their castle.

**"CURSE YOU GEORGE OF THE JUNGLE!!!"** Meng Huo yelled out in frustration. **"I'LL GET YOU YET!!!"**

Again, this isn't the only installment to this short! More The Nanman King vs George of the Jungle stories will proceed later! Stay tuned!

**We're just getting started! Even more stories to come! Please review!!!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Story 6: Xiao Qiao In: The Adventures of Sailor Wu: Enter Wu-Na The Cat**

In the last episode, Xiao Qiao attempted to save a young girl from being robbed by thugs by turning into Sailor Wu, but failed when she couldn't find a quick and efficient way to dress down into her Sailor outfit. Now, disgruntled, she heads home to sulk.

Once inside her room, Xiao Qiao flops down on her bed and stares at the ceiling.

"**How am I ever going to fight evil when I can't even find a decent place to change clothes at?"** she says out loud to no one in particular.

"**Well, you could always recruit some friends to give you a hand…"** said a voice from right next to her.

Xiao Qiao quickly turns around toward the voice, now face-to-face with a female house-cat with blue fur and a crescent-moon symbol on its forehead.

"**Hello, Xiao Qiao, my name is Wu-Na, I'll be your mentor on your quest to become a true Sailor Sco—"** Wu-Na the cat began to say to her, before Xiao Qiao started freaking out.

"**WAAAHHH!!! A TALKING DEMON CAT!!!" **Xiao Qiao screams, falling off of her bed, before grabbing a thick and heavy textbook as she began whacking the cat with it multiple time.

"**NO, WAIT…(WHACK!) LISTEN TO ME! (WHACK!) I'M NOT A DEMONIC…(WHACK!) CAT! WILL YOU…(WHACK!) QUIT SMACKING…(WHACK!) ME YOU STUPID…(WHACK!) BITCH?!?!?"** Wu-Na protested, but Xiao Qiao wouldn't cease hitting her.

**WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK!**

When Xiao Qiao was done smacking Wu-Na the cat into an oblivion, Wu-Na was lying on the bed, wisps of smoke emitting from her fur from the rough-book's friction, disheveled, and twitching from the continuous attacks. Xiao Qiao stood there, heaving from the blows she administered to the mysterious talking cat.

Suddenly, Xiao Qiao's friends from school entered her room: Da Qiao, Sun Shang Xiang, Xing Cai, and a younger version of Yui Ying.

"**Hi Xiao! We came to study with y---Oh my goodness! What happened to that poor cat?!"** Xing Cai said, shocked at the sight.

Wu-Na the cat slowly got up and stumbled off of the bed and toward the other girls.

"**The little brat over there tried to cremate me with a large text-book,"** Wu-Na said to the other girls before turning back toward Xiao Qiao. **"Look, I'll get straight to the point: You need help in your crime-fighting duties, and I'm going to show you how you and your friends can help! Together, you will all become Sailor Scouts!"**

Xiao Qiao cocked her head to the side and shrugged an 'okay', still a bit spooked that a cat is talking to her, while her friends looked at each other wondering what the hell was going on.

More Sailor Wu stories will proceed later! Stay tuned!

**Story 7: Pang Tong In: The Looker…Not Really...**

Pang Tong was walking down the hallway of an office building, reading a book entitled _'How To Be More Observant'._

"**Hmm…it says here the first step in being more observant in your surroundings is to...well... pay attention to your surrounding. Hmm...sounds simple..."** Pang Tong said as he walked and read.

Pang Tong suddenly walks off a flight of stairs, as he tumbles forty-seven stories before crashing at the bottom.

He slowly gets up and glares at the book.

"**This book is a joke! It didn't prevent me from falling down this flight of stairs! It's not even worth the paper it was printed on,"** Pang Tong grumbles, tossing the book in the trash and leaving the vicinity.

Seconds later, Taishi Ci walks by and notices the book in the trash. He takes it out and begins reading it as well.

"**Hmm…interesting…"** Taishi Ci says, reading the book and walking outside.

He then begins crossing the street; not paying attention to the large speeding double-decker bus that was about to run over him.

**More stories to come! Please review!!!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Story 8: Zhang Jiao In: The Disbeliever**

Zhang Jiao stood before his army of Yellow Turbans, giving a speech to them before they went into battle.

**"My children!!! Heaven has chosen us to be the rightful rulers of this land of turmoil! Together, we shall purge the evil leaders, and take what's rightfully ours!"** Zhang Jiao preaches to his people.

Suddenly, a soldier from amidst the crowd raises their hand.

**"Yes, what is it my child?"** Zhang Jiao says, giving the man permission to speak.

**"Um…yeah…I'm a Buddhist, and I don't exactly believe in the 'Way of Peace' deal you are preaching…so does that exempt me from battle?"** the soldier asks.

**"Uh…why…I suppose so…but wouldn't you rather be a part of this glorious event of suppressing the Wei, Wu, and Shu coalition and bring peace to everyone abroad?"** Zhang Jiao asks.

**"Well, I would…if I wasn't fighting using this wooden staff! And that's another thing too, why the hell are we using magic anyways when you have to pray to hopefully make a miracle appear before you? Heaven's not exactly going to stop the enemy from stabbing our asses in battle,"** the soldier continues, looking pretty discontent.

**"But you must have faith in my ideals! Don't you see the wickedness of the people trying to vie for all of China?"** Zhang Jiao asks.

**"You know, this all seems like a big waste of time. If you're such a peaceful man, why not just sit down and negotiate with the other forces?"** the soldier continues to question his leader.

Zhang Jiao, now tired of the soldier's rant, raises his Staff…

**ZAAAAAAAAAAP!!!**

**…and summons a giant thunderbolt from above to strike the soldier dead on the spot.**

**"Now, anyone else want to question the 'Way of Peace'?"** Zhang Jiao asks his soldiers in a very wrathful voice.

All of the Yellow Turban soldiers quickly shook their heads in a 'No' fashion.

**"Good…"** Zhang Jiao says with satisfaction.

**Story 9: Zhang He In: Temporary X-Men For Hire!**

At Professor Xavier's School for the Gifted, a meeting was being held in Professor Xavier's office. All of the X-Men were there for the meeting.

"**X-Men, I gathered you all here on a pressing notice. Wolverine is out battling Sabertooth at the moment, and we are short a member. So I hired a temporary replacement for the next mission," **Professor Xavier explains.

"**Who is it?"** Cyclops asks.

"**He's an…eccentric man from China named Zhang He. He's a bit arrogant, but quite a decent fighter,"** Professor Xavier adds.

At that moment, Zhang He walks into the office, wearing his purple butterfly outfit, reading the 'Want-Ads' as he steps in. He looks up and stares at the others.

"**My…I've stepped into a room full of weirdo's, haven't' it?"** Zhang he comments, looking at Beast, Cyclops, Nightcrawler, and Storm.

"**Speak for yourself…princess…"** Cyclops snickers to himself, before breaking out into a laugh, with the other X-Men following suit.

"**That's quite enough, all of you. Now for the mission at hand. Juggernaut is on a rampage in the city. You must stop him!"** Professor Xavier says to them.

Everyone nods and leaves the office.

An hour later, everyone arrives via the X-Jet in the city streets. All of the X-Men, including Zhang He, were wearing their black uniforms.

"**This outfit is pretty tacky…but roomy nevertheless…"** Zhang He comments as he and the others leave the jet.

"**It's a lot better than that gay-ass outfit you were wearing earlier…"** Cyclops responds.

"**Look, there's Juggernaut!"** yells Beast, pointing to Juggernaut wreaking havoc at a local bank.

"**Let's get him!"** Storm says.

"**Allow me to take him on first,"** Zhang He volunteers, slipping his claws on and running toward Juggernaut.

"**Hey, no…wait!!!"** Nightcrawler calls out to him.

Zhang He approaches Juggernaut and taps him on the shoulder.

"**Excuse me, but you are making a mess! I will have to defeat you and bring beautiful victory to…"**

**SMASH!!!!!**

Zhang He's words were cut off when Juggernaut turns around and slams his fists into the Wei officer, before proceeding to pummel him silly.

After the beat down, Zhang He is seen walking past the other X-Men on his hands, upside-down and twisted like a pretzel.

"**Well, I failed this job…I suppose I'll go apply at the Manure Factory downtown…"** Zhang He says in discontent as he skitters away from the scene.

**More stories to come! Please review!!!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Story 10: Sun Quan In: Bedtime Folly**

Sun Quan was in his bedroom at his family's fortress, ready to go to sleep.

**"Ah…time to relax after a hard days work,"** Sun Quan said, yawning as he slips into his bed and blows out the candle on his nightstand.

After a few moments of silence, Sun Quan finally dozed off to sleep, but was suddenly jarred awake when he felt something…or someone crawl into his bed.

**"The hell?"** Sun Quan said, reaching over to his nightstand and lighting his candle. He took the candle an held it next to him.

Sun Ce was lying next to him, staring at the ceiling.

**"Brother?! What are you doing in my bed?"** Sun Quan said, a bit miffed.

**"I can't sleep, Quan. I've been up thinking about many things,"** Sun Ce said, still staring up at the ceiling.

**"…Okay…but don't you think you could gather your thoughts in your _own_ bed?"** Sun Quan suggested, eyebrow raised.

**"But I need to share them with someone…it gets so lonely in my room,"** Sun Ce responded. **"I mean, for instance, I always wondered if there were life on other worlds other than our own…it's an amazing subject, don't you think?"** Sun Ce continued.

Sun Quan was getting irritated the longer Sun Ce laid next to him talking about the most useless subjects in the middle of the night.

**"Well, brother…I have just one thing to say about your hypothetical theories…"** Sun Quan said to him in a cool voice.

**"You do? Really?!"** Sun Ce said, turning to him in anticipation.

**"Yes…"** Sun Quan said. **"YOUR STUPID DRABBLE IS ANNOYING ME! NOW GET OUT OF MY BED AND LET ME SLEEP!"** Sun Quan then yells loudly to his brother.

No sooner than Sun Quan raised his voice, Sun Ce was out of his room in a flash.

**"Hmph…that takes care of that…now to return to my restful respite,"** Sun Quan said, blowing out his candle and lying back down, drifting back off to sleep once again.

Sun Quan was suddenly woken up again by another voice next to him.

**_"Hello, big boy…"_** the voice said in a sexy tone.

Sun Quan's eyes shot wide open.

**"…DAD?!?!"**

**Story 11: ****Meng Huo In: The Nanman King vs George of the Jungle 2**

Meng Huo and Zhu Rong were getting more and more annoyed at their neighbor: George of the Jungle. Meng's first attempt to thwart the annoying jungle-man's folly failed. However, this time around, he had a brilliant plan.

"**You're gonna WHAT?!"** Zhu Rong said to Meng Huo.

"**That's right, honey, I'm going to cut down every tree in the vicinity so that George of the Jungle jerk wont have anything left to swing around on! Pretty brilliant, huh?"** Meng Huo said proudly.

"**That has got to be the dumbest plan I have ever heard!"** Zhu Rong protested. **"How are you even going to cut down all of these trees anyways?" **Zhu Rong inquired.

"**With my new gizmo I bought recently!"** Meng Huo said, showing his wife a gas-powered chainsaw.

"…**Whatever…"** Zhu Rong said, rolling her eyes as she left Meng to do whatever he planned.

Minutes later, Meng spotted George of the Jungle climbing up the same tree from earlier, presumably ready to swing around on the vines and yelling like an idiot once more.

"**Oh no you don't!!!!"** Meng Huo said, starting up the chainsaw and rushing toward the tree and began sawing it down. **"Your swinging days are over, Jungle-boy!"**

As soon as Meng finished cutting the tree, the tree began to fall over toward the ground away from him.

"**Uh oh!"** yelled George, as he held on tight to a sturdy tree limb.

Meng Huo laughed gallantly that his plan was working as planned…

**CRRRAAAAAAAASSSSSHHHHHHH!!!!**

…when for no reason at all, that very tree suddenly changes directions and falls right on top of Meng Huo, burying him in the ground.

George hops off the fallen tree and proceeds to another to attempt another swing.

_"**I hate my neighbors…"**_ Meng Huo said in a muffled voice from beneath the dirt.

Even more episodes of The Nanman King vs George of the Jungle will proceed later! Stay tuned!

**More stories to come! Please review!!!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Story 12: Wei Yan In: Proper English**

In a local High school within the Three Kingdoms, a class of students waited for their substitute English teacher to arrive.

Eventually, the classroom doors slam open, and who stepped in shocked the whole class.

It was Wei Yan, wearing black slacks, a white shirt, and a tie as he steps inside the doors.

"**YOU…STUDENTS…I…SUBSTITUTE TEACHER…CALL ME…MR. YAN!"** Wei Yan grunts loudly as he walks up toward his desk and flops down his briefcase.

The entire class had a 'WTF' look on their faces.

"**FIRST…LESSON…S.S.R.!"** Wei Yan says to the class.

A student from the middle row raises their hand.

"**YOU…QUESTION?"** Wei Yan says.

"**Uh, yeah…does S.S.R. stand for 'Silent Sustained Reading'?"** the student wanted to re-affirm.

"**NO…IT STANDS FOR…SIT…SHUT-UP…READ!"** Wei Yan corrects the student.

The entire class looked at each other. They all knew they had a long day ahead of them.

This isn't the only installment to this short! More Proper English stories will proceed later! Stay tuned!

**Story 13: Pang De In: Garden Mishap**

It was a beautiful Spring day in Pang De's neighborhood. The Wei officer decided to spend the day tending to his garden behind his house.

**"Ah! It's a wonderful day for me to tend to my personal…"**

**WHACK!!**

Pand De's words were cut short when he stepped on the foot of a rake, which swung up from the ground and whacked him in the face, knocking him out cold.

That was the end of Pang De's plans to tend to his garden.

**Story 14: Xu Zhu In: Fat Burger 2**

Xu Zhu was washing dishes in his burger stand, minding his own business, when he hears a customer enter through the front doors. He turned around and heads toward the main counter.

"**Welcome to Fat Burger! How may I take yo--AAACHH!!" **Xu Zhu began to speak, before he was gabbed by the neck by a very pissed off customer.

It was Guan Yu again.

"**Where's my damn burger, tubby?"** Guan Yu hissed, glaring at Xu Zhu as he tightened his grip on the burger stand owner.

"**Ugh--ack--I'll make you another one for free!!"** Xu Zhu says with a strained voice.

"**You better…"** Guan Yu said, releasing Xu Zhu.

Xu Zhu catches his breath and turns toward his kitchen. While he was busy making Guan Yu's burger, Sima Yi enters the burger stand once again. He stops in front of the counter next to Guan Yu.

"**Where's that overweight slob at? He's going to pay for knocking me out a few hours ago!"** Sima Yi growls loudly.

"**You're having problems with the owner as well?"** Guan Yu asks.

"**Yes…what I wouldn't do to sue his fat-ass for assault,"** Sima Yi says with a menacing smile.

Both men look at each other, immediately picking up each other's desires to put Xu Zhu out of business.

"**Well, it seems we both are on the same wavelength here. Come, let us plan the downfall of his Fat Burger chain,"** Sima Yi says to Guan Yu.

"**Agreed,"** Guan Yu says with a nod. Both men exit the joint just before Xu Zhu returns up front with Guan Yu's burger.

"**Here's your burger sir…sir…? He's gone…oh well, guess I'll eat it then,"** Xu Zhu says, ready to pop the burger into his mouth.

Suddenly out of nowhere, Guan Yu flies back inside the fast food joint, and prepares to tackle Xu Zhu.

"**Just because I left doesn't mean you can eat my burger!!" **Guan Yu yells as he hops the counter.

Xu Zhu yelps and jams the burger into his mouth and began running away from Guan Yu once again.

The chase once again took them outside, as both men circled the burger stand. Sima Yi walks back to the vicinity wondering what was taking Guan Yu so long.

"**Where is Guan Yu? He should have gotten his stupid burger but now…"** Sima Yi said, stopping along the sidewalk.

"**Lookout!!"** Xu Zhu yells from behind him.

"**Huh?"** Sima Yi turned around to see both men running toward his general direction.

"**Whoa!!"** Sima Yi yells, jumping out of the way just in time, which would have resulted in a collision with Xu Zhu.

**CRASH!!**

However, Guan Yu ends up tripping and falling over Sima Yi instead. This allowed Xu Zhu to get away from them for now.

The conclusion of the Fat Burger stories will proceed later! Stay tuned!

**Whoo! And that's another chappie down! More stories to come! Please review!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Story 15: Wei Yan In: Proper English 2**

Later that day within the class of Wei Yan, the students were preparing for a test.

"**YOU…STUDENTS…I…GIVE…TESTS…NOW!"** Wei Yan says, as he passes around the tests to everyone.

All of the students looked at the test in disbelief. Shrugging it off, the class proceeded to take the seemingly easy test.

After the test, Wei Yan gathered the papers and began correcting them. After marking down several dozen papers, Wei Yan slams the papers down and gets up from his desk, approaching the class once more.

"**YOU…ALL…FAILED TEST!"** Wei Yan said to everyone.

"**But...how did we fail? It was so easy!"** asked a female student.

"**NO ONE…ANSWERED…IN…CAPITAL…LETTERS…INSTANT…FAIL!"** Wei Yan told everyone.

The entire class groaned and slumped into their seats, for they had to deal with their substitute teacher for three more periods until class let-out.

The conclusion of the Proper English stories will proceed later! Stay tuned!

**Story 16: Xiao Qiao In: The Adventures of Sailor Wu 3: Mission: Failure**

In the previous installment, Xiao Qiao met up with the mysterious cat, Wu-Na, who promised to help Xiao Qiao and her other Sailor Scout friends fight evil with better success.

Later that night, all of the Sailor Scouts: Xiao Qiao, Da Qiao, Sun Shang Xiang, Xing Cai, Yue Ying, and Wu-Na, were back out on the streets at the same location where Xiao Qiao failed to stop the two purse-snatchers.

"**Alright girls! Remember what I taught all of you! You must work together you wish to vanquish evil! Now, here come those two thugs. Make me proud girls!"** Wu-Na explained to the girls, before setting off to hide and watch the action from a safe distance.

Seconds later, all of the Sailor Scouts heard a cry for help from the alley.

"**Trouble is afoot again! Let's kick some major butt!"** Xiao Qiao said to everyone.

"**Right!"** all of the girls responded.

The Sailor Scouts hurry to the alley, where they catch a glimpse of the two thugs flee the scene. They all turn their heads and see not a helpless girl as the victim, but Zhang He instead.

"**Help! Oh help ladies! Those two ruffians stole my flowered handbag!"** Zhang He pleaded to the girls.

Xiao Qiao and the rest of the girls all stop and look at each other in disappointed expressions.

"**C'mon girls, let's get out of here. Nothing worth saving tonight,"** Xiao Qiao says as she and her friends turn around and leave the alley.

They would have to try their heroics again some other time.

The conclusion of the Sailor Wu stories will proceed later! Stay tuned!

**That does it for this chapter! More stories to come! Please review!!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Story 17: Gan Ning in: Pirate Raid**

Gan Ning was sailing the high seas off the shores of China on an expedition to discover new territory his kingdom could possible take over.

"**Ah…there's nothing better then sailing across the ocean and smelling the salty ai--" **Gan Ning says with a relaxing tone…

**CRAAAASH!!**

…until his ship is struck by an unknown object

"**Huh?! What the heck? What did I run into?"** Gan Ning says, getting up and turning around toward the back of his ship.

There, he sees another ship had run directly into him from behind.

"**What?! Of all the lowdown things to happen today! Whose ship is that anyways?"** Gan Ning asks to no one in particular.

Suddenly, he felt a tug on his pants-leg. He looks down and sees a short older man with a white mustache wearing blue and white admirals attire and blue hat.

"**Who the hell are you?"** Gan Ning asks.

"**I'm Cap'N Crunch sonny. Would you like a bowl of cereal?"** the admiral asks.

"**What?! No I don't want no freakin bowl of cereal! I want you to explain why you ran into the back of my expensive ship!"** Gan Ning demands.

"**Oh? Rejecting a bowl of cereal? That won't do. Looks like I'll have to tie you up and throw you in the brig while I plunder your treasures,"** the admiral says, an evil look in his eyes.

An hour later, Gan Ning is tied up and gagged as he watched Cap'N Crunch take off with all of his treasures.

_"**Man, this day can't get any worse…"**_ Gan Ning says to himself.

Little did Gan Ning realize that Captain Jack Sparrow, Monkey D. Luffy, and every other pirate known to man was on their way to mess with Gan Ning within the coming hour.

**Story 18: Zhou Yu in: The Prettiest One Of All!**

Zhou Yu was in his room of his private castle, waking up from a restful respite. He sits in his bed and stretches, then caresses and admires his beautiful hair before getting up and walking over toward a very large mystical mirror that hung from his wall. He cleared his throat and spoke into it.

"**Mirror mirror on the wall, who's the prettiest one of all?"** Zhou Yu asks the mirror.

A ghostly face appeared within the mirror's reflection.

"**It sure isn't you, you average joe,"** responded the mirror.

Zhou Yu raised an eyebrow at his mirror's comment.

"…**Surprisingly rude…"** Zhou Yu responds.

"**Heh, not as rude as your morning breath, which isn't average, but overwhelming. Ever head of mouthwash?"** the mirror adds.

"**Hey now! What's the big idea? You aren't supposed to be such an ass, what's with you today? I thought you're suppose to always agree with whatever I say!"** Zhou Yu protested.

"**Oh whoopdy-doo, the supposed pretty boy cried foul…bitch…"** the mirror taunts.

**"Now you've gone to far! Don't make me get rough on you!"** Zhou Yu warns, getting angry at this point.

"**Sock it to me, you Wu-bastard,"** the mirror threatens.

Zhou Yu, so angry at this point, charges straight toward the mirror to attack it head on in a fit of rage…

**WHAM!!**

…only to collide into it, knocking himself out cold as he slumped onto the floor.

Seconds later, Zhang He comes out of a nearby closet and approaches the mirror.

"**Good work, Magic Mirror. That'll teach him that no one better not try to be as beautiful as me,"** Zhang He says with much satisfaction.

"**Yes yes, I've upheld my part of the deal, now its time to uphold yours…"** the magic mirror says.

Zhang He nodded and began to give the magic mirror a good cleaning using a lightly scented bottle of Windex.

"**OoOoOoOoh yeah…that feels gOoOoOoOd…"** The mirror purrs as Zhang He cleans him.

**That does it for this chapter! More stories to come! Please review!!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Story 19: ****Meng Huo In: The Nanman King vs George of the Jungle 3 **

Back in the Nanman Village, Zhu Rong walks outside their home, looking for her husband Meng Huo.

"**Meng Huo? Where are you?"** she calls out.

Zhu Rong walks toward the house where her neighbor George of the Jungle resided, and saw Meng Huo and George sitting on lawn chairs, sipping lemonade.

"**Meng Huo?! What's the meaning of this? I thought you were going to drive away this annoying man?"** Zhu Rong said.

"**Aw honey, I was wrong in the past. I didn't like this guy before, until he showed me how fun is to swing on vines and stuff!"** Meng Huo says to his wife.

"…**You have got to be kidding me…"** Zhu Rong says in disbelief.

"**No really honey! Watch this!"** Meng Huo says, as he and George both got up and ran toward the nearest tree and climbed it.

Once at the top, George takes a vine and swings away on it, yelling as usual as he did.

Now it was Meng's turn. He grabbed the vine and leaps off of the branch.

Due to his weight, Meng immediately drips quickly toward the ground, bending the tree along down with him. But before he could crash into the ground…

**TWAAAANG!!**

"**OOOOOOWAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!"**

…The tree and vine snaps back up, taking Meng Huo with it, launching the Nanman King into the sky, and sending him flying over the jungle like a catapult, screaming all the way.

Zhu Rong face-palmed herself after witnessing such stupidity.

"**I give up…"** she says as she turns and heads back into their castle.

**Story 20: ****Xu Zhu In: Fat Burger 3 **

Later that evening in Xu Zhu's burger stand, Xu Zhu was washing dishes in the kitchen, when he hears a chime from out front.

"**Oh good! Another customer!"** Xu Zhu says, halting his dishwashing and heading up toward the main counter.

"**Welcome to Fat Burger! What can I get…"** Xu Zhu began to say…

**CRASH!!**

…when he was suddenly jumped simultaneously by Guan Yu and Sima Yi.

"**Gotcha you little tubby punk!"** Guan Yu says, sitting on Xu Zhu.

"**Yes, we are going to make you pay for giving us faulty service throughout the day,"** Sima Yi says to him.

"**But you guys can't do this to me! I got hungry customers to feed!"** Xu Zhu protests.

"**Oh yeah? We haven't seen anyone else come into this dump all day!"** Sima Yi shoots back.

"**Yeah! So enough of your prattle, prepare to be tied up and have your burger stand ransacked!"** Guan Yu said.

Before they could carry out their plot, the doors of the burger stand burst open, as dozens upon dozens of people came flooding into the restaurant.

"**What the?! Where did all these people come from?"** Sima Yi asks in shock.

"**It's rush hour! Hungry people coming in from work!"** Xu Zhu says.

As the mass of customers approached the counter, they began to demand to be served.

"**Looks like a bad time for us to be getting our revenge. Let's go Guan Yu,"** Sima Yi says, getting up and preparing to leave.

"**Oh no you don't! You two will help me cook food and serve the people here!"** Xu Zhu said.

"**Oh? And what if we refuse?"** Guan Yu inquires.

"**Then you answer to many angry, hungry, tired, and frustrated people looking for a bite to eat,"** Xu Zhu said, pointing out toward the crowd.

Both Sima Yi and Guan Yu look at each other and sigh. It would seem they were stuck helping out Xu Zhu flip burgers for the rest of the night, and after all of that mess they went through earlier that day.

Heehee, go fig.

**Story 21: Wei Yan In: Proper English 3**

It was the final period of the day at the school Wei Yan was subbing at. In his class, Wei Yan was preparing to give the class their homework assignment.

"**YOU…STUDENTS…HERE IS…HOMEWORK ASSIGMENT!"**

Wei Yan walks up toward the projector and flips it on. Seconds later, a movie showing various scenes from the Dynasty Warriors series.

"**EVERYONE…WRITE…ONE…PAGE…ESSAY…ON THE…THREE KINGDOMS…"** Wei Yan instructs the class.

As the movie played, one of the students raised her hand in question of one of the scenes it just showed. Wei Yan immediately sees the student wanting to ask a question.

"**YOU…QUESTION?" **Wei Yan asks.

"**Um, yeah, I just saw a scene in that movie showing you in a crocodile-like outfit holding a club,"** the student asks.

"**WHAT?!"** Wei Yan says, turning around toward the screen and pressing the rewind button. After he ran it back a few seconds, he plays it, and sees his new Dynasty Warriors 6 design.

This didn't please Wei Yan at all.

"**KOEI…DARES…TO MESS…WITH…MY DESIGN? ME, DESTROY…COMPANY! CLASS, DISMISSED!"** Wei Yan says angrily, grabbing his stuff as he stormed out of the classroom to go wreak havoc on the Koei Company who makes the DW games.

That was the last those students saw of that particular substitute teacher.

**The final chapter with the two final stories are coming soon! Please review!!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Story 22: Xiao Qiao In: The Adventures of Sailor Wu: Final Victory? **

After multiple failures and false-alarms, Xiao Qiao was starting to get fed up with her job with being a hero…

…until she and her friends got a call that her arch adversary was in town causing much destruction.

In rapid response Xiao Qiao, and her Sailor Scouts: Da Qiao, Sun Shang Xiang, Xing Cai, and of Yue Ying, all rush to the scene of the crime.

Upon arrival they see their foe destroying everything in her path.

"**Stop right there!"** Xiao Qiao calls out to the villain.

The foe turned around, revealing to be the evil sorcerer Queen Zhen Ji.

"**You bratty Sailor Scouts! I will destroy you here and now!"** Queen Zhen Ji says to them with a cackle.

"**We'll see about that! Sailor Scout, transform!"** Xiao Qiao commands as she and her allies take our their magic wands.

One by one each girl went through her lengthy transformation sequence into her trademark hero outfits.

When it was time for Xiao Qiao to do hers though, her transformation only finished halfway, leaving her standing in her underwear and bra.

"**Hahahahahahaha!!"** Queen Zhen Ji cackles to her amusement.

"**Grrrrrr!!"** growled an embarrassed and angry Xiao Qiao. **"Girls! Attack!!"** she commands.

"**Right!"** all of the other girls said simultaneously.

All of the Sailor Scouts immediately used their magic wands and focused their powers upon Queen Zhen Ji.

"**Aaaaaugh! The power of the Wu! It burns!!"** screeched Queen Zhen Ji.

"**And time to finish you off!"** Xiao Qiao says, taking her wand and outlining a circle around her. **"Wu…Power…EXPLOSION!!"**

"**NOOOOOOO!!"** Queen Zhen Ji screeches, as a large beam of energy shot out toward her, engulfing her in its power, disintegrating her upon impact.

The fight was over, and the Sailor Wu and her scouts had won.

"**We did it girls!"** Xiao Qiao says to her friends.

Out of nowhere, Wu-Na the cat appears in front of them.

"**Good job girls! That's the way the Sailor Scouts fight evil! Now let's go home and celebrate with…"** the cat began to say…

**CRASH!!**

…When a police car crashes into her, sending the cat flying down the street.

Out of the police car stepped out officer Huang Gai and his deputy Xiahou Dun.

"**What are a bunch of girls like you in sailor outfits doing out this late? It's past curfew!"** said Officer Huang Gai, before noticing the half-naked Xiao Qiao. **"Oh I see, this is a prostitution ring eh? You are all under arrest!" **he said as he and Xiahou Dun pull out their handcuffs.

"**ACK! RUN GIRLS!!"** Xiao Qiao yells, she and her friends now scrambling down the street to escape from the law, with both officers on their trial.

That concludes the Adventures of Sailor Wu!

**Story 23: Zhuge Liang & Sima Yi in: Debatable Presence **

At a national convention building within the Three Kingdoms, Zhuge Liang was on stage, waiting for his opponent Sima Yi to arrive so they can start their debate between the two greatest strategists.

Then, Zhuge Liang gets a call from his cell phone. He picks it up and answers it.

"**Hello?"**

"_**Hey, Zhuge, it's me, Sima Yi."**_

"**Sima Yi? Where are you? We were supposed to be having a debate between you and me right about now."**

"_**I know I know! But at the moment I'm stuck working at this stupid burger joint with Guan Yu."**_

"**Burger joint?"**

"_**Yes, I was forcibly employed by the fat moron Xu Zhu."**_

A whack of a frying pan was heard through the phone.

"_**Oow!!"**_

"**What was that?"**

"_**Xu Zhu hit me in the head with a frying pan for calling him a name!"**_

"**I see…so I guess this means you forfeit today's scheduled debate?"**

"_**Grrrr…unfortunately yes…you got lucky today, Zhuge Liang, otherwise I would have humiliated you in front of the audience…OW!! Hey! Quit splattering French fry grease all over the place you bearded fool!!"**_

"**Heh…Is that so?"**

Suddenly, Sima Yi hears laughing of a large crowd from his end of the phone.

"_**What's all that laughing?"**_

"**Oh, nothing…"**

Zhuge Liang smiles wryly as continued to hold his cell phone up the microphone for the whole audience to hear.

**BONUS STORY!! **

**Story 24: Wei Yan Infiltrates the Koei Company **

Wei Yan, along with the other DW characters who was removed from Dynasty Warriors 6, stormed into the Koai Corporation building and confronts the head developer of the franchise.

"**What the!? What do you want?"** the head developer asks.

"**FANS…PISSED OFF! YOU…REINSTATE…MISSING…CHARACTERS...IN NEXT…DW...EXPANSION PACK…OR ELSE!!"** Wei Yan demands.

"**Oh yeah? Or else what? You can't hurt me, you're just a bunch of videogame characters!"** the head developer says with a laugh.

"**WE'LL SEE…ABOUT…THAT…ATTACK!!"** Wei Yan commands his allies.

The sounds of Jiang Wei's spear, Xing Cai's forked weapon, Pang De's halberds, Da Qiao's fans, Zuo Ci's cards, Meng Huo's gauntlets, and Zhu Rong's boomerang could be heard inside the building as they all proceeded to rough up the head developer.

"**I'll…reinstate them immediately…"** the head developer says, before falling out from the brawl.

Wei Yan and his team head out the building, all with satisfied looks on their faces.

* * *

**The End!**

**That wraps up this story! Please review!!**

**And keep a lookout for two new Dynasty Warriors fics coming this September!**


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